Standing before Beginnings..

I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the other blogs. I feel close to y'all even though we are beginning our journeys (or have already begun them) in far away lands.

After 19 hours of glorious flying, being searched, and waiting (LOTS of waiting), I have returned safely from Europe. The past two weeks have been stuffed with many performances with the chamber group, a lot of good food, and many, many eye-opening experiences. Today is my catch up day. We returned last night. I leave tomorrow morning for Lumberton, where I will do an internship through the Divinity School with Rockingham District Native American Co-operative Ministries (yes, I have been practicing it!) I am thrilled, and exhausted, and apprehensive.

Throughout the many moments of waiting and touring, one thought has permeated my subconscious. It can be found in Letters to a Young Poet by L. M. Rilke. It reads simply, "You are so young; you stand before beginnings." I am young. I stand before beginnings. What does that mean? I find that this sentence accurately describes these 24 hours that I am spending frenetically doing laundry and attempting to get affairs in order. I am so young. In past years I would have found that statement to be offensive, an insult sometimes. So what if I am young, what should that matter? I now found it to be a word of comfort, of encouragement. I am young. I have time. I have opportunity. It is ok that I have not unlocked the mysteries of the universe, or found the answers to all of my questions. Rilke goes on to tell his younger friend to have patience, that he may indeed live out the answers to his questions in the future.

This brings me to the second part of the statement. You are so young; you stand before beginnings. What does it mean to stand before a beginning? What is before an beginning? Well, an ending of something else. Does that mean that I am at an ending? I bounced this idea of my friend Tara. She replied, "What come to my mind are the names of God, The Alpha and Omega. The Beginning and the End." You are so young; you stand before God. If one stands before a beginning, then one is standing at an ending. If one stands before the Alpha, then that person also stands before the Omega. It is a very interesting idea.

After chewing on the idea of God as the beginning that I stand before, I begin again to feel inexperienced and apprehensive. More words come to me from Tara. "God does not call the prepared, God prepares the called" You are so young; you stand before beginnings. I begin to feel comforted. It will be a daily practice to remind myself of that fact. God did not call me to this internship because I was ready. God did not call me to Duke because I was ready. God calls, and by answering that call, I accept that my education, that my preparations will happen according to God's time and not my own. Ministry is not about one's comfort zone. I dare say that it is about one's discomfort zone. It is about living in that place where I am challenged deeply and often.

I pray that I may remember those words.

You are so young; you stand before beginnings.

God does not call the prepared, God prepares the called.

May each of you find Peace and Joy in the coming days of summer,

Jodi