The toughest job you'll ever love

October 27, 2007

The man who dreamed up this whole idea, President Kennedy, once said of the Peace Corps: “But if the life will not be easy, it will be rich and satisfying”. Boy, was he right! I haven’t written on this blog for a while, and I have been neglecting my other blog as well. Unfortunately, what President Kennedy didn’t mention is that life is going to change on a daily basis. One day you want to cry because your language skills are terrible, the next day you are laughing so hard you almost pee in your pants while trying on Peruvian dresses, or the following day you are rubbing your sore leg after a dog bit you while running. Even then, I still do not know what will come tomorrow. My life changes on a whim’s notice, and I am off doing something I had never expected to do. It is exciting, challenging, sometimes very frustrating, and yes, rich and satisfying.

Lately I have been getting more and more involved in my community. At first I was shy, keeping to myself and being incognito. It just doesn’t work. You have blonde hair, green eyes, waltzing through the plaza, a foot taller than everyone else – they are going to notice you. And if you aren’t there, they notice your absence even more. So, I have decided to stop caring so much about what my community thinks of me or what cultural blunder I might commit next. It is really difficult though, because even the smallest things are huge insults, like not greeting someone properly or sharing the food you have. But I am learning. I just have to laugh at my mistakes, cry quietly into my pillow at night, hold my head high, pray a lot, ask for forgiveness on a daily basis, and do everything with a sincere positive attitude. Most of all, I have to be myself.

The question I have been facing lately, however, is who I am exactly. I can say “be myself”, but who is that girl? Sometimes I attack all projects with a huge sense of idealism; this time I shall save the world! It is nearly impossible. Development work just doesn’t work like that. You can have the big victory in the back of your mind, but really you have to work on the small things first in front of you. I expected things to be difficult and challenging, but never so tedious and I will admit, sometimes boring. I have always wanted to be this person who is incredibly outgoing, witty, funny, and personable; with all of my sincere attempts I expected to make tons of friends and be weaving on the street corner with all of the elderly women in my town. It just doesn’t happen that way. First off, I am slightly shy. It takes a while before I can open up to others. Second, sometimes I really do prefer being by myself in my room reading, rather than out in the plaza dancing to huayno music or attracting attention. So, throughout these past five months, I have had to learn more about myself and realize that I can only be who I am, and no one else. It is difficult, because sometimes I just want to build a ladder and climb up to God and ask Him what in the heck is going on. I just want this perfectly laid out map of where I am supposed to go and what I am supposed to do. However, for the first time in my life I am going to be content with no answers. I am just going to go with the flow, take on projects that arise out of the community’s needs, and not be so persistent and proactive. It is hard, because I have a “Type A” personality, but perhaps the answers can be found in the things I cannot control.

Things are going well in Peru and I feel more and more productive everyday. A year ago I wouldn’t have thought hanging out in the city hall building for two hours, talking to random people would be productive – but in Peru, it is. Today I had several girls from the high school come over to my house and we all made vegetarian black bean soup. They had never had black beans and I think we enjoyed ourselves. It was pretty funny though, because we had to combine cultures – me with my vegetarian soup recipe and them with their rice and potatoes. And who knows, maybe this was just a random event to socialize – or perhaps these girls might have taken away something else. These are the small tiny details of development work that I never knew existed.

So, RMC community and fellow bloggers, I am surviving. They say it is the “toughest job you will ever love”, and it is true.


- Tiffany, Peace Corps Volunteer, Peru